| So...... I say "so" a lot. |
[03 Mar 2008|12:17am] |
So I feel like rambling about problems.
You don't like it then don't read it.
Stress is evil.
So my grandma died. That was one of the hardest times I've been though.
I miss her. A lot.
I'm glad she no longer has to deal with such pain though.
My new job process sucks.
I've gone through weeks and weeks of training. Just to find out what a pain in the ass this job is.
It's HARD. I want to go back to doing regular account maintenance not this bankcard specialist bullshit where I have to deal with money and math and transfers.
At least I've gotten 2 raises in the past few months. 7% for the promotion and 9% for year end. AWESOME.
Tax returns. Awesome.
Emergency room visits. Not so awesome.
So with all my new found stress comes disease problems... because if you didn't know, I have Chron's disease... and stress can pull that shit out of remission. Also, not so awesome.
My specialist I see every month or so got concerned and scheduled me for a colonoscopy. No big deal, it's something you have to put up with on a regular basis with Chrons. I just so happened to have never had one because of my sudden surgery in 2005 and the stress going through that so soon could put on scar tissues.
So I take these pills the day before that basically make my system "clean its self out". Yes, EXTREME laxatives.
Everything was going great... then I started feeling really sick so I just happened to text my mom and she came over to sit with me to take care of me because you can't eat the whole day on the laxatives so I was shaky and had a migraine... then I got feverish...wtf that was about. I then began to internally bleed. You have no idea how fun that is.
I had to yell for my mom as I started to loose my consciousness.
First of all... let me say I have a irrational fear of passing out. I had never done it... before this.
I get up to try to make it into the living room and THANK GOD mom had came to check on me at that second because I just kind of slid down her onto the floor. I don't remember anything. Mom said I went unresponsive... which scares the shit out of me.
Off to the emergency room for me! (This whole time Ryan was at work... btw.)
I had x-rays and a CAT scan. Then a lovely nurse stuck her finger up my ass.
Apparently I have hemorrhoids. AT AGE 20. Thanks again, Chrons.
I was sent back home (after 7 hours by the way, THE HOSPITALS HERE SUCK) and put on MORE pills.
My pentasa was bumped up to 3 pills 4 times a day, now I'm taking iron 2 times a day, and to top it all off I'm on steroids! Oh, and I still have to reschedule an appointment to have the colonoscopy done. Yay.
I'm not looking forward to seeing how much the hospital visit is going to cost.
Especially after buying a Nintendo DS... which I DO NOT regret.
Mmmmmmmm. It's niceeeeee. Cobalt Blue. :D
So I apologize for being distant.
By the way, stop buying meat from grocery stores. Go to the butcher. It's amazing.
Just do it once, you'll understand then.
And suggest some DS games. So I can blow my tax return.
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[01 Jan 2008|07:16pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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OH MY GOD.
I can't walk. I don't know what the hell is wrong with my leg, but I literally cannot walk.
It's like arthritis set up in my knee AND my hip. Just standing is excruciating.
Hurts. ;_;
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[28 Oct 2007|03:33am] |
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[12 Oct 2007|04:20am] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
I feel like I should say something inspirational... but I'm at a loss for words.
... well fuck.
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| Enjoy when you can... endure when you must. |
[08 Nov 2006|02:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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David Bowie - Janine |
] |
Looking at patterns... seeing faces that never were really a part of the pattern.
Demons jump out and dive back in again.
Creating something totally different.
Something more calming.
But then the calm soon turns back into calamity.
I never post.
I'm never online.
Letting everyone know that I haven't died...
Hopefully everyone hasn't died first.
I haven't heard from too many people lately... But that's mostly my fault.
Update?
Did I mention I went to college in the last update?... I'm too lazy to check.
I went to college...
Failed horribly.
Lost my scholarships.
Dropped out.
Now I'm just working a full time job.
I rarely even get online just because I'm either at work or my computer just can't handle messengers for long till it completely freezes.
But, yeah.
Still alive.
Still working.
Still being screwed over.
I just finally got home after dealing with this huge computer error at work...
And EVERYONE I called didn't answer, so I had no guidance to fix it.
Finally I just said fuck it and left.
But then I had to go do a cash drop.
So yeah... instead of getting home at 11.05 like I SHOULD.... I ended up getting home a little after one.
Blah.
Bullshit.
Other than work... and disease pain...
Life is peachy.
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| . . . update? |
[19 Jul 2006|01:15am] |
This will most likely make up for not updating in FOREVER.
I haven't been online much, every second I'm not at work I'm usually spending with Ryan. (<3)
Seriously. Love. Love. Love.
I could never ask for anything better. Things are so perfect.
That and my internet keeps going retarded.
So I'm going to college finally.
I just have to set my classes up and I'm good to go.
The most badass unexpected thing happened though. Random scholarships.
Over $15,000. That's over half of the bill. That's BADASS.
I messed up my car a little.
Hit a blown out semi tire on the interstate and it pretty much made the front of my car SHATTER.
It was all in my lane and I was in the center of three lanes with cars to my left and a semi to my right.
BLAM.
Took it in for an estimate and we found out the car had been wrecked before although when we bought it we were told it had NEVER been wrecked.
That was stupid and my dad was wanting to get a lawyer and all this shit.
It's going to be around $700.
I've been going to the park and remembering more of my dreams.
It's been about a month since I've had anything to drink other than water.
For some reason I'm not currently satisfied with most music.
Don't know what that's all about, but I have noticed that tends to happen when my health is poor.
Mom made meatballs.
I went to get birth control because mom was concerned about my "sex life".
"I'm making meatballs, what kind of protection are you using?" :|
I went Monday to have that done, they didn't even have my appointment put down so they got me in between some appointments.
Had some nurse up in my area. That was lovely.
Blood test just to make sure I wasn't knocked up. (Which was impossible anyway.)
Got all that done and we went on our way to do errands and such.
Cut most of my hair off.
8 inches.
While we were still in town the doctors office called the house and left a message with dad to get me to call them before 5.
Then they called my cell, which was on silent at the time... and left a voice mail asking that I call them first thing the next day.
That made me megasuper paranoid. Just because.
So I call them, turns out my irons down and they just wanted me to do some more blood work THAT DAY... which was weird.
Ryan and I went to do that even though we still lacked sleep.
They went all vampire on my veins and wanted to check to see if I was internally bleeding so they gave me this thing where I smear my shit on a thing... THEN MAIL IT.
THINK ABOUT THAT.
YOU CAN MAIL POO.
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
So we went to pick up a $16 packet of biscuit cut ham... which is when I got called back about my lab work on my bloods.
My iron was so low that it was in "panic level" and if I let it drop any further I'd need a blood transfusion.
FREAKY.
I honestly didn't know your iron could get THAT bad.
So I'm pretty sick currently.
The sicklyness kind of explains my super tiredness always.
I NEVER WAKE UP. It's crazy.
I put in an application at Lowes.
I doubt they'll call me.
I really need a new job.
It's so filled with bullshit.
Now that my boss knows I'm trying to get another job she's trying to bribe me by putting me on Management. WHICH IS WHAT I FUCKING DO ANYWAY.
Seriously. I do the paper work and I can shut down the store and put in all the info ever.
She's using everyone like crazy.
She can't even keep the fucking store stocked.
She knows how fucked she is just because she will NOT work Amy (assis. manager) just because then she knows Amy could talk to the Supervisor.
She hasn't actually closed the store on her own in MONTHS.
SHES THE FUCKING MANAGER.WTF.
Amy has been pushed far enough and currently applying for other jobs too.
If Michele doesn't straighten up fucking soon she'll be loosing an ASS LOAD of people.
I could go on and on about that fucking shittyness, but I'm not going to.
I assume most people would have stopped reading by this point so I'll stop with my retarded yammer.
One last thing:
Love is greater than anything and everything I've EVER known.
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[05 May 2006|03:42am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hum - Isle of the Cheetah |
] |
I've always wanted to fall asleep in someone's arms.
Life is amazing.
My job still sucks though!
At least I'm almost in college. I just lack the signing up for summer classes.
I don't think I could be any happier with my life.
^___^
It's Friday, I'm in love.
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[28 Feb 2006|04:05am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Patti Smith - Trespasses |
] |
I think I have some kind of depression problem.
I'm perfectly happy. Hell, it's never been better, yet I find myself randomly crying a lot.
I really can't pinpoint what it is, I'm happy. I really am.
Enough emo shit, though.
Update?
Life is actually pretty awesome right now. (Minus working always.)
Feels like things are falling into place.
Now I just have to get myself to college and get a better job that doesn't suck so much.
Mewski kinda got ran over. That kinda sucked.
I pretty much worshiped that cat.
I'm thinking about getting a peacock.
That would rock a lot.
Actually... I think I just want one for its feathers. :D
My parents randomly BURNT the furniture.
They actually took it outside and set it on fire.
They're painting the living room this minty olive green color... it's pretty spiffy.
Getting a new couch too... one of those sectional couches. I can't wait for it... just because the corner seats on those things are SO comfy.
I'm so going to move all the shit out of my room and get rid of this clutter.
Panting my room lime greeen... with dark green trim.
Parents are randomly repainting everything. (Finally.)
So today I was cleaning the cheese grater thing... and I got my finger caught in it.
It bled like a bittttch.
I swear, Pizza Plus is out to kill me.
Okay, so maybe I'm just super clumsy.
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| At what point would the ground give way and plunge me into complete anxiety? |
[24 Jan 2006|03:34am] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
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music |
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The Cure - A Thousand Hours |
] |
I should really try to not push people away when I go into my random periods of self loathing.
Holyfuck! New layout!
Check it out!
...seriously. DO IT.
ITSA LUNA MOTH, yeah.
I'd like to find one of those in a display thing...
You know... like how they have butterflies pinned down...
That'd be cool.
I totally got a piece of cave today.
Stalactite!
... doesn't taste too good when you lick it.
I can already feel the winter leaving, and it sucks.
I hate that feeling.
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[14 Dec 2005|02:45am] |
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So hopelessly lost.
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| Wow. |
[23 Nov 2005|04:24pm] |
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mood |
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hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Coheed and Cambria - Blood Red Summer |
] |
Sometime last night someone STOLE my dads truck.
STOLE.
He's a construction worker so he has this tool box with thousands of dollars worth of tools and shit in it.
So they found out it was missing and called the cops, but they said it was reported found in the parking lot of the church next to us. And it was.
Nothing was missing out of the tool box.
He was just missing a small radio, and a ton of fire ball candy things.
They used half a tank of gas and took it off-roding, but now the transmission is fucked.
I don't see how I didn't notice the lack of truck when I came in from work.
I totally stayed up all night and my window is right next to where dads truck is parked... and its a loud truck. How the hell did I miss it?!
So now... dads trying to blame me or my friends.
And that really pisses me off.
But any ways, TURKEY!!
Yay.
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[15 Nov 2005|02:55am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Placebo - Passive Agressive |
] |
Things are getting hard.
Two weeks ago they told us grandma has about a month left.
I've got a cold and they wont even let me see her.
I went to get my license today...
The damn place was closed.
Mom bitched at me a LOT.
I may try to go get my license tomorrow.
Ew, life.
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[08 Nov 2005|01:08pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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Jewel - Near You Always |
] |
So I never updated after the concert.
IT MADE MY YEAR.
Seriously, it was so fucking amazing.
But god damn, we sure did have a hell of a time getting there.
At first my friend Jennifer was going to drive us, so that was awesome... until she decided she wasn't going.
So evidentially they wont rent cars to any one under 25 even though their website they just charge an extra fee for any one under that.
We sit in the parking lot of a store thing just wondering how the hell we're getting down there. (4 hour drive.)
My friends car is pretty much the worst possible option for us... it has no radio, no air conditioner, it screws up A LOT, has bad tires, the window actually recently fell into the door but her grandpa fixed it and now it wont roll down, the starter is dying, and then there's a good 5 inches of trash in the floor everywhere.
There was no way in hell mom would let me take my car.
Finally we say to hell with it and take off in her car.
We get about halfway there and we stop at a rest stop to use the bathroom and all that jazz.
When we go to start the car... nothing.
So we all just kinda sit there in disbelief of our luck.
We finally got some guy to jump us off. Woohoo, back on the road.
We just couldn't turn the car off any more until we're actually where we need to be.
So I'm the navigator and it's going great until we're trying to find this exit... and well we get SUPER LOST.
We stop and ask for directions to get to where we can figure out how to fix ourselves.
Some hostess twinkey truck driver helps us and tells us that the exit that we missed DIDN'T EXIST.
Fun.
By this time we're cutting it really close to concert time so we decided to go straight to the concert instead of going to the hotel first as planned.
We navigate and navigate... and get turned around here and there.
FINALLY, we see it.
There's this huge line wrapping around a few blocks.
We took a good 20 minutes parking the car.
Found the end of the line and stood there for a while... IN THE COLD.
Got in there... missed most of the opening band.
The rest of it was PURE awesomeness.
Pretty damn kickass for a first concert!
So the concert is over at 11ish.
Time to find the hotel!
So there we go and we're navigating... we hit the road we're supposed to be on and so we're looking for this Days Inn.
We get pretty far down the road and we think we may just have over looked it so we drive back down it... nothing.
So we drive back and forth two more times.
Finally we get some directions and we go back down that road and BAM there's a Days Inn.
I go in to check in... BUT its not the correct Days Inn.
We're on Dickensons pike... we need the Days Inn on Dickersons pike. WHAT THE HELL?!?!
So he sends us back onto the interstate and off on some other exit.
FINALLY find the hotel at 2am.
So we slept all day the next day pretty much then we went down to the downtown Nashville... which is nothing but country music and boots.
On the way back to the hotel we get lost again...
We find it after a while.
The next day was our check out day but Jen (a totally different Jen) decides to pay for the extra day just so we can sleep in and hang out and all that jazz.
We decided to go to eat and stuff before checking out of Days Inn for good.
While trying to find somewhere to eat we realize that that damn road we were on a bazillion times TURNED INTO the one we needed to be on... we just didn't go far enough. :(
So we eat and do all that.
We check out and jump in the car and I navigate us home.
We didn't get lost this time!
But then the car doesn't start again half way home so we had to get another jump.
Ended up home around 1.30am.
I really do wish we had stayed longer down there.
Seriously, vacation plz.
No I think I need a more permanent escape.
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[19 Oct 2005|01:14am] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Gary Jules - Mad World |
] |
I hate how bad situations pop up in the WORST times EVER.
I hate how it's hard for me to even talk to my best friend about things that I could really use help with.
I hate how I can't even explain myself.
RAWR.
Fin.
Yeah, me so crazy!
I guess this really is where I go all emo.
I really am sorry for that. I think from now on I'm going to make posts like this personal.
Yeah.
That would probably be best.
/transmission
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[15 Oct 2005|01:16am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Rush - Subdivisions |
] |
The devil himself ordered a pizza today.
And I had to take his order.
Seriously.
Some man was going on about demons...
A lot.
Then when he left we all noticed how hot it was...
Somehow the thermostat got knocked up to 90 degrees.
Never a dull moment.
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[08 Oct 2005|07:03pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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Coheed and Cambria - Wake Up |
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I can't believe my mom just randomly got amazingly cool.
I'm road tripping to see Coheed and Cambria.
It shall be the greatest EVER.
Then sometime soon me and Jenny are going to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The live play musical thingey.
We're going in character.
I'm going as Columbia.
Then sometime theres a possibility we're going to a club on drag queen night.
Holy shit...
I'm totally quitting my job as soon as I can get my license and find a better job.
I still can't believe shes making me work tomorrow... after I asked to have off... to spend time with my sickly grandma... who's fixing to have a major surgery.
WHAT THE HELL.
Whores!
Still kinda worried about the surgery and just her general health.
She has some rare disease thing along with the bone marrow cancer that no one around here knows about so she has to go on long ass trips to the doctors.
It's wearing her down a lot.
Went to see her Thursday and she could barely stay awake.
;_;
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| weight kind depression |
[26 Sep 2005|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
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music |
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Coheed and Cambira - Ten Speed (of God's Blood and Burial) |
] |
So my parents want to kick the cat out.
Lovely.
My dad totally just called me some very harsh things.
I'm kinda pissed.
Oh well.
Parents are always right.
I think karma still owes me.
I'm defiantly going to look for a four leaf clover now.
Maybe after a nap.
Yup.
__edit__
I was going to go take a nap... because I'm practically falling asleep.
Dad was all "OH HELL NO, you are NOT sleeping right NOW!".
What the hell?
Gewd gawd.
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[22 Sep 2005|12:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Mew - Saliva |
] |
HOLY CRAP.
Two days off in a row!?!??!
I won't know what the hell to do with myself.
Funny things happen!
I spent the night with Jenny the other night but she left for a bit and I was just going to take my pills and go on to bed... but instead of my Pentasa pills... I grabbed two "feel good" pills by accident... (from where I had surgery and stuff.)
After a while Jen came back and I went to the bathroom.
Totally was done... washed my hands and everything.
For some odd reason I just randomly put my hands on her toilet paper holder and put all my weight on it.
Well... the holder totally DISAPPEARED.
So I look down... and it's laying there screws and all in the floor.
This totally gives me the giggles, but her family's already in bed so I'm trying my damndest to not be loud with my laughter.
To avoid loud laughter I just RUN back to Jens room and totally just roll in the floor.
I'm trying to explain what I had done but couldn't because of my laughing, so I just took her in there and showed her.
We both just die laughing.
I laughed for about 3 hours OVER THAT ALONE.
Then later on for some reason I call pretzels "Elvis".
...
I'm getting better at the whole working thing.
The only thing I have issues with now is the whole socialization stuff and the pricing.
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| Matchless and trying to set your heart on fire. |
[17 Sep 2005|01:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lethargic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Adrian Belew - Matchless Man |
] |
Any one who ate pizza today (with the exception of anyone actually reading this) can go to HELLLL!
Seriously.
JESUS CHRIST.
So we had a busy day. Not entirely the end of the world.
So I'm still learning stuff. Slightly chaotic.
So we were short handed and only a couple of people showed up at work. >:0
Was supposed to clock out at 11... clocked at 12.30.
But it's not all bad!
I work with really awesome people.
My feet hurt less than they did! Hoorah getting use to things!
Overtime moneyyyyssss!
I do kinda miss spending over 19 hours a day on my computer though. ;_;
OH!
i_love_tape33, I have a band for youuuuu, next time I see you on aim, remind me!
I can totally hook you up!
Also, I just realized I'm not 100% sure I know your real name. X_X
ME SO SORRY! I'm recalling you as an Amanda though... not sure why... actually... I don't ever recall asking you your name. Ever.
WHICH MAKES ME A BAD FRIEND!
But... if I got your name right up there... I apologize for being stalkerish.
Any ways, I have to go to bed now.
Tomorrow I have to get up early. ;_;
At least it isn't something crappy I don't wanna do.
YAY BIRTHDAY PARTIES AT CHINA BUFFETS!
MMMMMMMM!
But then after the partay I get to go home and go to work... again.
Which isn't as bad as it was the first few days.
So, sorry for bitching.
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[16 Sep 2005|02:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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lethargic |
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So... work SUCKS.
I haven't been very active online at ALL.
I do have entertaining work stories though.
Today me and Jen went to work and evidently there had been some old man who had shat himself... then just took off his pants and underwear and threw them away... then exited the building bare bottomed.
WHAT.THE.HELL.
I got sauce in my eye. A LOT.
Burnt the fuck out of my hand.
Okay, so that isn't all that entertaining.
Jens been here all week, she's pretty much moved in here.
Its pretty sweet.
Man, my feet kinda hurt a lot.
Weird stuff happens sometimes.
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